Scream Until There's Nothing Left
I thought I could let this go… but I can’t…
You were my BEST FRIEND god damn it. I told you everything, I opened up to you… I gave you my heart… What hurts me more than you breaking up with me is that you don’t even need me in your life… You’re fine without me… and I thought I meant something to you in some way… I’m just so mad, and I’m so tired of it..
Tell me something, was I just a joke to you? Did you just want someone to use?
I’m already letting go of all this bullshit with you but mother fucker I gave you my heart and you just gave it back. You’re just full of shit, and you deserve to be with that chick, you’re both pretty fucking heartless.
I don’t know where we stand from here anymore. You looked straight into my eyes that night and said, “I don’t want to lose you either.” but here we are, not even speaking to one another. I miss my best friend, and it pisses me off that it’s YOUR fault.. You could of just waited until you were ready to move on from Tania, you could of and you didn’t.
The little voice inside of my head tells me to prepare for the worse because you probably wont come back. I miss you every day. Forget about the whole couple factor for a second please. I miss my BEST FRIEND, I don’t NEED you to be my boyfriend right now, I just need you to be my best friend again.
I hate that my parents think it’s okay for me to stay home miserable, and depressed. What I need is to be going out and getting my mind off of Alan, not fucking sitting here thinking about him all day.
I have decided that when I have a son his first name will be Bruce and his middle name Wayne. My immediate family will call him Batman.
Day 1 Without Alan.
I made it, luckily. My mother walked into my room, looked at me and already knew something was wrong. Of course I lied to her, but the tears couldn’t stop.
She knows something happened with him, but she still doesn’t know that we were even together.
I was forced to get out of bed and travel to Monterrey. The whole ride there I could feel how sad my face looked. My eyes are in pain, and I just feel so fatigued. He took such a big piece of me away when he decided to leave. It’s so hard to think that I will be okay because I honestly don’t think I will.
I’ve considered quitting Magic, and giving him every card I’ve ever bought… I can’t play something that will remind me of him every time I pick up a deck…
I wish I was worth it for him. I wish he would of stayed.
